A Bird in Another’s Hand

Hagar & Sarah: The Missteps of Pride – Part 1.

If someone were to ask me why I have taken so long to write about these women, I genuinely wouldn’t know how to answer, especially since both of them have literally been haunting my mind for months. But here we are finally, and I can only pray for the grace to represent their stories fairly. So welcome back, dearly beloved. I hope you’re flourishing, basking in the sure mercies and blessings of our God in your day-to-day lives. It has been a really busy season recently, and I know I’m not alone, so I pray that as we do the million little things that we do each day, we receive the strength, discernment and grace to do it all and do it right.

Today, we’ll be looking at how God restores us, even when we get ourselves into sticky situations by falling to the foolishness of pride. We’re about to take a deep dive into one of the most socially unconventional stories in the Bible, so strap in. Socially unconventional for today, that is, because most of the events that happened were much in keeping with the customs of the time. A bit of my hesitation to write this probably stems from personal reservations about some parts of this story, but if there’s one thing I’ve learned on this journey of studying the Word, it’s that sometimes it’s okay not to get it initially. Especially when you’re reading without a full understanding of the context of that specific situation. Besides, that’s why we have the Holy Spirit to help us, right? He’ll teach us and help us break things down. So let’s just get right to it then.

In case you’re wondering what on earth I’m talking about, please blow the dust off that Bible on your bedside table, and open to the book of Genesis. You don’t have to go far, it’s right there at the beginning. Yup, that’s it. Now turn the pages until you get to chapter 16, but before you start reading, let me provide you with a bit of a backstory. Ever heard of Father Abraham? Yeah, him. If you haven’t, I really hate to break it to you, but you desperately need to reevaluate your identity as a Christian. But, if you’re not a Christian, boy, do I have a good story for you today. And maybe, just maybe, it’d get you thinking about the wonder of God, and considering His love. If only I could contribute to accomplishing that in your hearts today, I’d be over the moon.

Sooo… this Father Abraham was one very wealthy man who started out as simply Abram, with his wife Sarai (Gen. 12). We’ll get to the part where he goes from Abram to Abraham later. Now, when I say Abram was very wealthy, I’m talking Bezos-level wealth here, if not even more (Gen. 13:2). I mean, he had 318 trained soldiers, all born in his own house, whom he armed to go with him to rescue his nephew when unknown gunmen carried him off to God knows where (Gen. 14: 1-14). So Abram was an odogwu before we knew what it meant to be one. And Sarai? Now that was a gorgeous woman. She was so beautiful that being with her literally put Abram’s life at risk when they started travelling, because kings and mighty men would be eyeing her, and since it was relatively easy to get rid of “obstacles” in the form of pesky husbands in those days, he would have to lie and say she was his sister. To tell you how serious this beauty was, even the Pharaoh of that time was not immune. He “borrowed” Sarai until God started to show him premium shege, and he went to consult his own people, and found out the truth (Gen. 13:15-20). Again, I utterly detest the idea of a woman being treated as a trophy with no value except the superficial, and an object to be collected and returned, but it was what it was, I guess.

So anyway, Sarai was a hot babe who was married to a rich man, and they basically had everything they could ever need, everything they could afford, and that was a lot. But you see, as this life is not exactly balanced for anybody, there was still something really important lacking. They did not have children. And at the time where we meet Abram or the first time in Genesis 12, he was already seventy-five years old (Vs. 4), and Sarai had been declared barren since she was also advanced in age (Gen. 11:30). God told him to pack up and move, and for someone who had not been mentioned before as having known God, he was surprisingly chill about it. He packed up his entire household, all his wealth, slaves and animals, and he moved, even though he had no idea where God was taking him to (Gen. 12:1-6). And that single act of obedience changed everything for them. God took them to new places and showed Abram the land that his own descendants were going to occupy. But they still did not have a child, so where were these descendants supposed to come from? Then God offered them hope, He made a promise to Abram that he would not have a slave for his heir, meaning that a child was still going to come (Gen. 15). Again, Abram did not ask any of the logical questions, like “how?” or “at this age?”, which nobody at all could have blamed him for asking. But he didn’t. Like before, he just believed God and kept it moving.

But see now, Sarai was not there when God was telling Abram this thing. And even though she knew about the promise (the amount of amebo married people do is unparalleled), she had no idea how God intended to do it. She knew her womb was dead, she also knew that her husband really wanted a son, but she had given up on her own ability to be the one to provide him with this child that he so desperately desired. So what did this beautiful, hopeless woman do to make her husband’s dreams come true? She sacrificed her pride and her place as Abram’s wife. She did something no woman should ever have to do, something most women would never be able to even contemplate. She allowed her husband be with someone else (Gen. 16). In fact, not only did she allow it, she planned and facilitated the entire thing.

Let me explain what happened. At the time, Sarai had this maid, a woman from Egypt named Hagar, (see the level of wealth and privilege this babe and her beloved were rolling in) who was just there, serving her mistress (Gen 16:1). Since Sarai knew that the infertility was her own issue (don’t ask me how, because she had reached menopause and even before then there was no child), she decided to offer her maid to her husband, hoping that the maid would conceive and bear children that she could adopt as her own. Sounds like the storyline of an old Nollywood story ba? But that’s exactly what she did. Sara sat her man down, and handed him this proposal (Gen. 16:2). I cannot even begin to imagine the emotional turmoil she had struggled with to get to this point, or the shock of the pain she received when he agreed. You see, it’s one thing to be self-sacrificing enough to offer something from the depths of your love, because you know that it would make your partner fulfilled. She might have even thought that she was helping God fulfil His promise make Abram’s dreams come true. But it’s a whole other ball-game to be taken up on your offer, and realise that even though your partner knows that this could not have been remotely easy for you to offer, they want this thing so badly that they’re willing to even get it at the risk of your discomfort and possible suffering. There’s a pride that comes with being so secure in our partner’s love, as she must have been up to that point, that would have been rocked to its very foundations by this realisation; her husband wanted a child so badly, he was willing to sleep with someone else to get it.

But that’s not to say at all that Abram was being intentionally cruel. In fact, I think it was the opposite. Because while God had promised him an heir, He hadn’t exactly been specific about the details, so Abram had no idea when or how this child was going to come. And here was his wife, his beautiful, loving wife, offering him a means to get this child, even if it meant her stepping aside. She must have looked like an answered prayer in that moment, and understanding what she was giving him willingly, Abram could have seen it as the direct hand of God bringing him the child he so much desired. So would it not be pure foolishness to turn down such a once-in-a-lifetime chance? Would it not be insulting to Sarai to refuse such an act of love and devotion? Who was to say that this was not the way God was going to do what He said? Abram must been so proud to have a wife like that, so proud of her, of her love for him. In fact, he was so happy to agree that he made a serious mistake; he forgot to ask the Person who had made the promise if this was the way to go.

And what about Hagar? Well, I recently heard someone put it this way and I love it; if you could upgrade from madam’s maid to oga’s second wife, especially when your oga has the type of wealth you have only dreamed of, and simultaneously make both oga and madam happy, wouldn’t you grab the opportunity? Talk about killing two birds with one stone. While this narrative implies that Hagar was a willing participant in this plan, we need to point out that there’s simply no way to know for sure. But as a slave girl in those days, she had very little choice eitherway (Gen 16:3). Madam decided, Oga agreed, and voila! Hagar had a husband, and after a while, she was pregnant. I can just imagine the elation she felt when she realised that she was carrying the first, and possibly only, child for this rich man.

But this is where the wahala now started. Because when Hagar discovered that she was pregnant, she became proud, and from the human perspective, why not? After all, she had been able to do what Sarai, with all her beauty and wealth, had not been able to do in all her years as Abram’s wife. So truly, who beauty help? Of what use as Sarai’s beauty now? She, a simple, poor, slavegirl, had done what madam could not do. Did that not make her better than Sarai? Now, before your Christocentric heart launches into reproach and condemnation for Hagar, please be very careful, lest you fall into the trap of hypocrisy. Take one minute, just one, and step firmly into Hagar’s shoes. Place yourself securely in her life, in the trials that surely had led to her being a slave, to the shame she must have haboured for being a servant. See the glowing, almost oppressive beauty of her madam through her eyes, and watch as she sees the sadness of her boss increase with each year that they continue childless. And now, she was the one to lift that burden? If it was you, would there even be space on the road for Sarai to pass anymore? Would you not even do more? Maybe wake her up with the Cocomelon theme that you’re singing up and down the corridors of the house, so she never forgets that you’re expecting and she’s not.

But it was unnecessary and cruel. And in most cases, pride is both unnecessary and cruel. In dismissing Sarai because of her feeling of superiority, Hagar forgot several important things, and was only focused on how she was better than her mistress. And unfortunately, one of the most dangerous follies of pride is how it blinds you to the whole picture. Because although it was true that Hagar was pregnant for Abram, it was also true that Sarai was still Abram’s wife. It was still true that Sarai was still Hagar’s mistress, and so it was true that Hagar was still Sarai’s maid. Furthermore, although God had indeed promised Abram a son, He had at no time instructed Sarai to do what she had done, nor Abram to agree and participate. So there was no way to know for sure that this was God’s will. All these truths existed simultaneously, in all three lives. And so it still happens today. Several truths can, and often times do, exist at the very same time. But pride narrows your lens and offers you a myopic view.

Anyhow, Sarai was not having the nonsense behaviour from Hagar, and she went to meet the person that she started this whole drama for, to report. As the descendant of Adam that he was, Abram quickly removed himself from the problem and left everything in Sarai’s hand (Gen. 16:5-6). But he forgot that in marrying Hagar, he had taken the responsibility for her as well. She too, was his wife, and it was his duty to call her to order, protect her and take full responsibility for his own part in the entire thing. Afterall, if he had said no to Sarai, they would not have been in that position to begin with. And so, he was also culpable.

Sarai, now acting on the permission of her husband, began to show Hagar premium shege in that house. She humiliated and frustrated the girl until Hagar could not take it anymore. The girl saw a side to her madam that eyes had not seen before, and she packed her things and ran for her life. But here again, you need to restrain your impulse to judge Sarai, lest I ask you to look in a mirror and confront your own heart. She was acting from the pain, bitterness and jealousy that surely threatened to overwhlem her, and although that does not excuse her actions, it explains it. Having said that, no matter what situations suggest, it is never okay to use your power over someone to make their lives miserable. Sarai’s injured pride and emotional turmoil blinded her to the fact that this same Hagar had been serving her faithfully until then, and it was really not Hagar’s fault that she could not conceive. She was determined to make her miserable, and she succeeded, because Hagar left (vs. 6). Now, Sarai had no maid, and no child to even show for everything. Hagar in turn, had no home, and was left to fend for herself in the wilderness until God in His mercy found her. Abram too, was left with a bitter wife, and without the child he had rocked his marriage for. Nobody was happy, because all three of them had let their pride influence their actions in some shape and form.

You see, when you’re so busy trying to prove you’re better than everybody else, you tend to remove your eyes from God and fix them on yourself, inflating your ego to match the ridiculous claim that a talent that you didn’t give yourself or attributes you were fortunate enough to be blessed with, somehow makes you superior. It was the same God that shut Sarai’s womb for His will to be done, that allowed Hagar to conceive. And even though God had made Abram a promise, as man, he had made a mess of his situation. Does any of that sound familiar? Still, God stepped into the situation for each of them, and brought restoration to all. We’ll go into far greater details of how He did this in the next parts of this series, but the summary is this – God sent Hagar back to Sarai with common sense and humility, He gave Sarai her own son, and He fulfilled His promise to Abram. He kept His Word, like He always does, every single time. There has never been a promise left unfulfilled, not in the Bible, and surely not in the lives of His Children today. You think that’s farfetched? Ask around, and listen as the Children of God testify to the faithfulness of their Father in their everyday lives. I see His hand in small and great ways every day too, as He works restoration in and around my life. But the greatest act of love, the single most important act of restoration that God has done for every man was to come down as man, to strip Himself of His absolute glory, and descend to not only dwell with us, but to die for us so that He can dwell in us. He sent His Son, our Lord Jesus, to take our place, to die our deaths, to rescue us all form the clutches of darkness and death, and raise us to the newness of life that exists only in Him. Sarai showed us the extent to which human love could sacrifice, in stepping out of her role, even though it played right into her greatest pain as a wife and a woman, to give her husband what she knew mattered so much to him. If someone could do that for her man, and God has shown us that He has done so much more than that for every single one of us as His children, then how exactly do you think that it makes sense to assume you’re better than anyone else? God’s love is to all men, regardless of shape, height, color and yes, even level of common sense. That someone acts foolish does not make them less than you, it just means they have the propensity for foolishness. That they are not from your tribe, or your religion, does not mean that Jesus didn’t come for them, or that God’s mercy will not speak for them.

As Christians, it can be very easy to fall into the trap of looking down on those who have not come into the realisation of what God has done, or are still struggling with some form of humanity or the other. And we conveniently choose to forget that we are not perfect either, and that selective amnesia does not erase our sinfulness. Only grace does. Only. Grace. So extend that grace, the very same one that has been extended to you. There’s simply no place for pride when you always keep in your heart that you know yourself, and if not for the mercy of God, that Chief of Sinners title, na you get am. Your Heavenly Father is not proud, and He urges us to show forth mercy, kindness and love to those around us. Especially now, when the world we live in is being torn apart by the wickedness in the hearts of men.

Choose to be different, stand out, let go of pride and show forth the goodness of God that has been shown to you. He sees you. Reflect your Father, and in the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven (Matt. 5:16).

Finally, for the first time, I have an assignment for you. But it’s an easy one, so don’t worry. All you have to do is check out Philippians 2:5-11, and don’t breeze through, skimming over the words. Actually read, and wonder what it would look like if you acted that way. That’s all.

Calvary Greetings to you and yours,

Gabrielle…

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