A Letter to the One in a Crowd.
You’re enough, in and of yourself.
You’re complete, whole in the oneness that makes you an entity. I just needed to say that, before we get to the why. Needed to make sure you knew, that you believed in your own ability to be lacking in nothing, even in the absence of anything.
Have you ever wondered why we all have our own names? Why we are referred to as individuals, our identities unfractured even when we chose to merge our lives with that of someone else’s? Ponder that for a minute, and let me know what you think.
Another dimension to this puzzle is, being in a crowd or even in a group of your own friends or family, and feeling like you’re the only person not tuned in to the same frequency everyone else is on. That sense of aloneness that shows up at the oddest times and makes the world that had previously been bursting with color into a palette of gray. If you feel like you’re the only one who can understand what you’re going through, and nobody else gets it, you’re right. You are the only one, but that’s okay. That’s what I’m here to tell you today. It’s okay.
It’s okay to feel alone sometimes.
It’s okay to not want to feel alone too.
It’s okay to want someone who would just get it, get you, and take away that loneliness that’s crushing you inside.
It’s also okay to be comfortable in your own space and not want to be forced into sharing your life with someone simply because society demands it.
Whatever your desires, you need to know that beyond wanting or not wanting to share your everyday with someone, you do not necessarily need to.
Please don’t get me wrong, I am all for love and marriage. I mean, God Himself is the chief advocate and creator of the family as it should be. I’m just saying that it’s not a fundamental need. You don’t need to be married to be. You don’t need to be in a relationship to have a good life. You don’t need to be in love to live for goodness sake, so why would you let it define your whole existence? Not being married or in a relationship does not make you any less of a human being. Your value to God is not defined by whether or not you are in love, He loves you all the same. Better than any human can ever try to emulate, by the way. So no, you’re not lacking because you’re single, or because your partner does not need to be around you to breathe. You’re not incomplete in any way.
A relationship of any sort should consist of two complete, whole individuals who believe in being whole together, in order to add value to each other. Not two incomplete people seeking completion from the other person, and definitely not two broken, hurt people seeking to find healing in each other. That’s a recipe for a full English breakfast with a side of premium tears.
Only God completes.
Only God repairs.
Only God heals.
Only God gives real identity.
You’re whole because God made you whole, perfectly formed, lacking absolutely nothing. And that’s precisely what you’re supposed to present and accept, if and when you decide to date/get married. Placing the responsibility for your own healing and completing on the shoulders of another human being is unjust because they don’t have the capacity to heal or complete themselves, much less you.
So dear lonely heart, seek to find your identity and wholeness in God, and in yourself first. And in your journey to become, maybe you’ll find that the silence isn’t so loud anymore, and everyone else’s frequencies might just not be right for you after all.
