Part 4: Strings that Cut and Cure.

I don’t care what anyone says, friendship heartbreaks hurt.

I know we’re in the era where everyone is trying to pretend they’re the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz (I mean heartless for those of you that do not get it), but there’s something so heart-wrenchingly painful about realising that someone has gone out of their way to hurt you. It’s one thing to be hurt, but know that it was unintentional. It’s another thing to know that they knew exactly what they were doing, and did it anyway. It’s a separate kettle of fish altogether when it’s someone you love, someone you thought loved you too. It sucks, badly.

Learning to define true friendship took me a while, and I’ll tell you why. Satan had successfully convinced me that there was no such thing as true friendship by the time I had finished high school, because when I said I was burned, I mean I had been burned, roasted, torched at the stake and everything in-between by “friends”. It had made me thoroughly dislike myself, to be honest, because what was it about me that made the people who were supposed to accept me do things that were solely designed to crush and degrade me? Why did they actively seek out ways to hurt me? It sowed seeds of distrust and self-doubt so deep that it took years of active effort to reset my mind. And on some days, on some really bad days, the fruits from those seeds still show up, so apparently it’s a constant struggle.

So yeah, I really did not believe in friendship, genuine friendship though, until uni came and God intentionally planted people in my life who absolutely refused to let me go until I was a firm believer in the healing and restorative power of true friends. Anyone in my space knows I do not, and will not, tolerate any sort of backtalk about any one of them. But believe me when I say that trust was hard-won, I will admit that. And I am grateful for them, every single one of them.

I’ve been going through the book of Daniel recently, and I was struck anew by the Hebrew slaves. You know the ones, Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah AKA Belteshazzar, Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. You were wondering who I was talking about for a second, right? Yeah, them. Now, while these boys were slaves in Nebuchadnez’zar’s kingdom of Babylon, they had been royalty back home. Like, actual nobility. Daniel chapter 1 describes them as “youths without blemish, handsome and skillful in all wisdom, endowed with knowledge, understanding learning and competent to serve in the king’s palace“. So they were smart, fine and quick thinking. Full package men like this. And the king wanted them in his court, to train and groom the best of the best to serve him and his people. Unfavourable circumstances brought them together, their commitment to their faith united them, and the bonds of friendship sustained them. They were separated from their peers by excellence, so they stood before the king. When there was serious trouble and everybody’s lives were at risk because of the king’s unreasonable demand, Daniel turned to his friends and together, they sought the face of the Lord for mercy and were delivered. But even as Daniel rose in rank and prominence, he sought the best for his friends, requesting that the king promote them as well. When they faced Nebuchanez’zar without Daniel, in rebellion to his order to worship the statue he erected, they did it together. Again, they experienced the miracle of God’s deliverance with each other because they stood united. Meshach did not suddenly falter and bow because he did not want to die. Shadrach did not suddenly think, “all man for himself, God for all“, and fall on his face, and Abdnego did not feel the need to pull a Peter and deny that he knew them, or that he was with them and would not bow.

All 3 stood tall, solid in the knowledge that they believed in the true God, but also in the trust that they believed in each other. The strings that bound them went beyond the ties of slavery, of shared misfortune and history. In the midst of their journey from grace to grass to grace again, they had forged bonds of true friendship that gave them strength even in the face of promised torture and death. What kind of trust is that? How would it feel to experience such absolute loyalty and give it in turn? Well, one can not only imagine, but can also experience it. Here, on this same earth we are all living in. How, you might ask, and you would be so right to. How can one be sure of people in this generation, where everyone is out to get what they can and leave without a backwards glance? How can you trust the hearts of men again, if you’ve been hurt over and over again? Well, I’ll tell you this for free, lovelies. It’ll have to start with you. Yuuup, you read that right. With you. Not with them, despite what they did and how painful it was. Not with those who took their sides against you. Not even with the people who witnessed everything and chose to stay silent, instead of speaking up for you. not them, you. Here’s why: Not forgiving the people who hurt you, and even yourself for the part you might have unwittingly played in whatever might have happened, will keep you stuck in that place where you believe everyone is the enemy, and eventually, you’ll become an enemy to yourself. The worst thing for a person, I have found, is to live with a mind that neither likes nor trusts you. There’s simply no way to escape it, and it affects the way you see and treat the people around you. So my dear, before you’ll be able to spot the seedlings in others, you’ll have to work on removing the full forest in yourself.

If you’ve always had good friends, I bless God for you and pray you value them as you ought to. But if you’re like me, and you’re in that place where you’re wondering if there’s any point, if you can ever let anyone in ever again, believe me when I say you can. You just have t heal first. And there’s someone I know who can help with that, who came highly recommended too. Yup, you know it. The One, the Only, Jesus of Nazareth! 10/10, I highly recommend you try a friendship with Him first, and let Him lead you to those who you need, and lead those who need you to you. On the plus side, you don’t need to start introducing yourself to Him since He knew you before you were even you, so that takes the awkwardness out of it. So open your heart to Him, and allow the wonder of who He is and what He can be, show you that the ties which cut you can also cure you.

Try a friendship with Jesus today. Like they say, a trial will convince you. Besides, whether you do, whether you don’t (and ponder both scenarios deeply), what do you have to lose?

Sitting pretty at His Feet,

Gabrielle…